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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23591374">Spectrum</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatine/pseuds/chocolatine'>chocolatine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GLOW (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:34:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,359</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23591374</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatine/pseuds/chocolatine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoiler warning : set after season 3</p><p>Back in L.A, Bash tries to keep things normal but the events of Vegas and a new encounter will make him question himself like never before.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sebastian "Bash" Howard/Rhonda Richardson, Sebastian "Bash" Howard/original male character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Hubby duty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first time writing a fanfiction. English is not my mother tongue so sorry if the grammar is not perfect and if the vocabulary is a little bit repetitive. </p><p>I really love the way GLOW writers developed Bash's storyline so far (and Chris Lowell's acting) and I'm looking forward to season 4 as there is still a lot to address.</p><p>In the mean time, here's a fanfic which will deal with his internalized homophobia, his relationship with Rhonda and his feeling about the loss of Florian, all of that being connected with his encounter with an original male character. </p><p>Hope you guys will enjoy it !</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been a few months now since they left the Fan-Tan to come back to L.A.</p><p> </p><p>Since Debbie and he bought that TV channel, they’ve been to countless meetings to design a brand new version of GLOW with new characters, costumes, and scenery. Their project is starting to take a final form and they will soon discuss with potentials sponsors.</p><p> </p><p>That night, he comes home after another meeting to found Rhonda waiting for him in the kitchen, absentmindedly sipping a glass of white wine. ‘Hi Honey’ he says as he walk over her, kiss her on the cheek before sitting down next to her. She smiles at him, rubbing gently his shoulder as she stands up behind him to enunciate was they are having for dinner: beef and mushrooms with mashed potato. When their plates are garnished and everything is settled, start their usual talking routine ‘How was your day ?’ ‘Another meeting with Debbie ?’ ‘Soon the sponsors ?’ ‘What about you honey, how was your practice with the girls ?’,…</p><p> </p><p>Unconsciously they created that list of questions to ask each other every night, it’s been like this for months. Since they came back from Vegas actually. He is used to it now, it’s like being on auto-pilot, he doesn’t even have to think about what to say and he is thankful for that. It’s also a great way to stay on the surface of things and it’s just what he is looking for.</p><p> </p><p>After dinner, he goes outside for his usual smoke by the pool. Lighting his cigarette, he takes a deep puff as he looks at downtown L.A sitting in his chair. A part of Bash knew that he was just trying to follow the « protocol of the perfect married couple », largely inspired by his parent's behavior (which wasn’t probably the best inspiration to take). Big house, small talk, chaste kiss and what felt like scheduled intercourse. Indeed, since he talked about starting a family, Rhonda made it her mission to dress 'sexy' at least once a week to ‘reignite passion’ as she was saying. When she said things like that, it almost felt like it was Bridie talking through her mouth. It made him shivers.</p><p>
  
</p><p>Despite her effort, Bash was only able to make love to her half of the time. They were times when it was not even about maintaining an erection long enough but just having one. He was always blaming it on his project ‘with all that work, I’m really tired Honey, sorry’ and most of the time, he believed it too.</p><p> </p><p>Truth was, nothing was the same between them since Vegas. They had 'good' sex in the firsts weeks after their marriage. Rhonda knew what she wanted, she often led him right where he needed to be, it was simple. With enough concentration, he was making it through just fine, filling his « husband duty ». But with time and all the things happening in Vegas with their show, all the people they needed to meet, the right investments to make … At some point, they hadn’t had done it for months.</p><p> </p><p>Then came Joe. Or Paul or whatever. When he saw him on their couch, looking at Rhonda that way, their body so close, the almost palpable tension, he felt something. He saw that Rhonda’s lust was still fully on the table, he just spent weeks ignoring it. But he also felt his own lust, reignite by this weird situation. How could he be turn on by another man kissing, touching his wife like that? Then, when the three of them made it to the bed and after kissing his wife like he hadn’t in a long time, he finally locked eyes with him. He felt an urge to touch him, to know how his lips felt like that he never experienced before. Maybe it’s was the alcohol, maybe it was the lack of good sex for so long but in a blink of an eye, he had his lips crushing on his. He felt a wave of pure pleasure washing over him, so overwhelmingly he almost forgot about Rhonda. Listening to his raging desire, he had reached for Joe’s hand, guided it in his pants and soon after he was moaning loudly as he stroked him…</p><p> </p><p>‘Bash’ 

</p><p> Rhonda called in the distance, making him squeak like a small animal caught by a trap. He tries to compose himself as he turns around in his chair to face her. 

</p><p> ‘Yes, Honey ?’ he says with an unusually high pitch voice. </p><p> She was wearing a red silk nightdress, which seemed to caress her soft skin with every move she made as she approached him. 

</p><p>‘Why don’t we go upstairs ?’ she says, kneeling next to him, running her hand slowly on his chest.</p><p>‘I’ll be there in a minute’ he replies, overcompensating his former high pitch tone with a deeper one.</p><p>She nodded and smile and he watched her walk back inside, her long wavy ginger hair cascading in her back.</p><p> </p><p>Bash let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding only to be shocked to see he had an erection. What the hell? Was it because of Rhonda? Or was it because of the heated memory of Joe’s hand and lips on him? What was he thinking, it was definitely Rhonda. Come on, she was looking so good in that dress, her body so feminine! He stood up hastily, determined to prove to himself how turn on by Rhonda he was, focusing really hard on his way to the bedroom to try and keep things in his pants just the way they were.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Run away - Turn away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One night, after an endless and pretty alcoholized meeting, he found himself parked in front of what looks like a night club. He has no idea how he arrived here or where he is. For some reason, he decides to get out of his car and start to walk unsteadily towards the club.</p><p> </p><p>As he gets closer, he notices two men having a smoke on the sideway near the entrance. The way they hold their cigarettes with their wrists so weirdly angled, their postures, their clothes, everything screams ‘queers' he thinks to himself with a hint of pity as he enters the club. What are they doing in a « regular » club anyway?</p><p> </p><p>He walks past the cloakroom and is seized by a strong scent of what seems to be a mix of tobacco and cologne. He continues to walk and reach a dark corridor leading to the main room. As he gets closer, he starts to ear ‘smalltown boy’ by Bronski Beat in the distance and he feels a strange sensation of deja vu like he’s been here before. His mind is dizzy, he’s unable to tell if it’s true or if his wasted brain is making all of that up.</p><p> </p><p>He finally makes it to the main room and as he quickly glances around, it hit him. Shenanigans. Florian’s gay club. All of the sudden, he is overwhelmed by his memories. He sees himself the first time he was here with Carmen and Rhonda, with that same song playing. He remembers the bartender who had had the nerve to hit on him, wasn’t it obvious that he was straight ?! But mainly, it makes him think about Florian and why they were there in the first place. Florian being missing, Bash looking everywhere for him to finally find out he was … He can’t take it. He needs a drink.</p><p> </p><p>He makes his way to the bar, not caring about anything else but having alcohol entering his system as quickly as possible. It’s not the same bartender this time and thankfully he just hands him his whiskey without making any weird comment. He drinks it in one gulp and orders another one. Pretty soon, he starts to feel the effect of the beverage, numbing his feeling, making him relax a little.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time since he entered the club, he takes a good look at his surroundings. Some men are talking while leaning against the wall, their faces way too close to each other. Some are agitating themselves franticly on the dance floor while wearing too colorful outfits or leather accessories and one is even wearing a pair of heels. Somehow, he feels relieved. He is so different from those « men ». He’s classy, manly and not wearing any leather, laces or freaking heels.</p><p> </p><p>As he takes another sip of his drink, his attention is caught by a man sitting on the other side of the bar, facing the dance floor. This man looks different. He is wearing a dark blue ample suit with a white shirt and a fancy watch. He has short curly auburn hair and a pretty define face with a nice jawline. He is slowly drinking from his glass, absentmindedly looking at the men dancing a few feets away from him. He seems so out of place, looking as straight as someone can be. What is he doing here? Is he like Bash? A normal man who drunk way too much who somehow lost his way and found himself in this bizarre situation?</p><p> </p><p>Bash is suddenly brought back to reality when he feels a hand pressing the small of his back. He stands up and turns around rapidly to get away from this unwanted contact and to see who dared touch him like that. He found himself facing a mid 30 man with a very « feminine » face and no shirt to cover his bare hairy chest, looking at him with hungry eyes. ‘Hi Honey’ the man says, putting one of his hand on Bash's chest. It suddenly feels like everyone is looking at him, he starts to sweat and the sudden proximity between them makes it even worse. That’s too much for him to take. He pushes the other’s man hand away as he angrily hisses at him ‘Get your fucking dirty hands off me you perv’ !’ Then, he storms out toward the exit, feeling his heart beating intensively in his chest.He rapidly climbs into his car, struggles to find his keys as his hands are shaking from the adrenaline rush and drove off as soon as the motor start turning.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully when he gets home Rhonda is already in bed. He goes straight to the bathroom and jumps in the shower, eager to feel the water running down his skin as if it could wash out his anger and discomfort. He can’t believe that man laid his hands on him like that, in front of all of those people at the club. It was shameful enough to have been touch by another man in front of his wife not to have to deal with this kind of thing happening in plain sight. He swore to himself to be more careful with his drinking during those nights meeting and more importantly to never ever go back to Shenanigans. This place was definitely his worst nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>After this partially soothing shower, he slides into bed and, as unusual as it is, spoon Rhonda while reaching out to caress her breast. She hums as she reaches for his hand and says 'night Bash' in a sleepy voice.  'night Hon.. Rhonda'. Fuck. After earring it from this man’s mouth, he just can’t say it anymore. Before any other thoughts concerning the evening come back to him, he presses himself tighter against Rhonda, smelling her vanilla-scented skin, willing to forget the scent of tobacco and cologne.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. New perspectives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bash was exited. They were finally starting to look for sponsors for their brand new version of GLOW. He was delighted with the ideas they came up with for the show and was thrilled to try to convince sponsors to team up with them. <br/> <br/>Today, he was meeting with Mark Watson from the restaurant Watson’s delight. Mr.Watson insisted that Bash came to his restaurant in downtown L.A for lunch so they can discuss this matter around a nice meal. <br/> <br/>Bash arrives at the restaurant at 12 sharp. He is guided to their table by a waitress named Wendy who informed him that Mr.Watson his speaking to the kitchen chef and will be there in a short moment. While waiting, Bash takes a look around. The restaurant is classy without being extremely fancy and spacious enough to be at a reasonable distance from your table neighbors. It is elegant and intimate and according to the menu, they even have a french specialty: duck confit. ‘It’s a nice place, I should come with Rhonda one day’, he thinks to himself.<br/> <br/>'Sebastian Howard ?'<br/> <br/>At the mention of his name, Bash looks up to find a tall man, about his age, wearing a preppy style seersucker blazer and a white shirt with light beige pants, his arm outstretched toward him. <br/> <br/>'You can call me Bash' he says smiling as he stands up and shakes his hand. <br/> <br/>'Bash it is then. I’m Mark Watson, nice to meet you. Please have a seat.' <br/> <br/>Once they’re both seated, Mr.Watson calls Wendy and orders for them both. In the meantime, Bash takes a better look at him and starts to realize the man’s face seems oddly familiar. Did he meet him at this Anaheim convention he went to with Debbie? In Vegas? Curly auburn hair, a defined face, a nice jawline, a fancy wa… <br/> <br/>He froze as he finally remembers: Shenanigans. The man on the other side of the bar. <br/> <br/>His mind starts racing. What if he saw him too that night? What if he recognizes him as well? What were the freaking odds that his potential sponsor would found himself in that club the night he accidentally went there ?! Bash start to wiggle on his sit, feeling uncomfortable. <br/> <br/>'So, tell me Bash, why should I sponsor your show ?' Mr.Watson asks once Wendy has left. <br/> <br/>'My wife Rhonda is a wrestler !' he almost screams, immediately feeling like an imbecile for blurring it out like that. <br/> <br/>‘Well that’s impressive, I’ll give you that’ he says with a small laugh. He didn’t seem to mind Bash's sudden outburst. ‘Is she starring in your new show ?' <br/> <br/>'Yes indeed Mr.Watson, she’ll have a leading role in our program' he responds trying to compensate his previous behavior with a professional tone. <br/> <br/>'Oh please, you can call me Mark' he replies. 'Give me some details about the audience you’re targeting, would you ?' <br/> <br/>Bash nods and as he starts to discuss details about the show, he begins to relax.<br/> <br/>As they talk, he realizes that Mark is truly interested in their new show and wrestling in general. After presenting their program, they spend the other half of the meal debating who is the greatest wrestler of their generation. <br/> <br/>It feels so nice to be able to discuss seriously this subject and find someone who shares his passion. Don’t get him wrong, the girls and Sam also like wrestling but most of them, except for Carmen, are only familiar with it for 2-3 years. He, like Mark, spend an incredible amount of his childhood and teenage years dreaming about it and living through it.<br/> <br/>At the end of the meal, Mark clears his throat. 'I have a confession to make' he says. <br/> <br/>Bash start to tense scared that he finally remembered he saw him in that filthy club. They were getting along so well and he seemed genuinely interested in the show. How can he get away from this situation? How can he explain how he found himself in a gay club? And what if he saw that other man having his hands all other him? He is definitely going to think that Bash was there on purpose!<br/> <br/>'My wife convinced me to meet you. I was reluctant at first about an all-women wrestling show. You saw how passionate I’m about men wrestling. This kind of passion sets high standards and I was unsure your show could meet those standards. But, Valerie went to Vegas with a friend of hers and saw your performance. She couldn’t stop talking about it !' he says, laughing. <br/> <br/>Bash let out a sound which was halfway between a laugh and a sigh of relief. <br/> <br/>'Oh! I’m so glad that your wife enjoyed it !' he says joyfully, way too happy about dodging the club thing. 'If you sponsor us, you will both have front seats to all the recorded performance and some training session. I guarantee it !'.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/>A few minutes later, Bash is walking to his car after leaving Mark’s restaurant. He’ll discuss the contract with his associates and will give him an answer before the end of the week. <br/> <br/>He is feeling particularly cheerful. Mark looked thrilled by the project and he is pretty positive he will become their sponsor soon. On top of that, he was really easy to talk to and he loved wrestling! They had more in common than he originally thought and he couldn’t wait to be able to work with him.<br/> <br/>It would have been a perfect meeting without his little freak out about the club. But he had dodged the bullet and reconsidering it, now that he calmed down, the risk he saw him too with that poor lighting was pretty low. Right?<br/>By the looks of it, Mark might have been just like Bash that night at the club: just a heterosexual married man who accidentally step in a gay club because he had too much to drink. <br/> <br/> <br/> <br/>2 days later, he receives a phone call from Mark, inviting him to his house to discuss their deal.<br/>As he is getting ready, Rhonda walks into their bedroom. <br/> <br/>'Oh! You’re going somewhere ?' she asks. <br/> <br/>'Yeah, I’m invited to a sponsor’s house to discuss our contract. I’m feeling this, it’s going to work great. This man loves wrestling !' he replies enthusiastically. <br/> <br/> 'Oh okay. You didn’t mention it so I tough that we were spending the night together … ' she says, a sad pout on her face. <br/> <br/>'Well, I’ll see you when I come back, I don’t think it’s going to take that long' he responds, fixing his impeccable hair one more time before quickly kissing Rhonda on the cheek and hurry down the stairs. <br/> <br/>Rhonda stood still, alone in their bedroom, feeling the same crushing feeling she’s been experiencing for a couple of months now. It was a mix of loneliness, sadness, and worry. She sights, exit the bedroom and gets down the stairs slowly before heading to the kitchen. On the counter, she can’t help but notice an unopened bottle of wine. <br/> <br/>'Guest it’s just the two of us, then' she says as she starts looking in the drawers for a corkscrew. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Wrestling in the dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He arrives in front of the Watson’s house. After climbing the few steps leading to the porch, he energetically knocks on the wooden door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A long blond-haired woman with almond-shaped dark eyes, wearing a red dress, opens the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You must be Bash’ she says with a smile as she stretches out her hand to shake Bash's hand. ‘I’m Valerie Winston, Mark’s wife.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Very nice to meet you, Mrs. Winston, thanks for having me’ he replies as he shakes her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Please, come on in’ she says, opening the door wider.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He enters the house to find himself in a lobby with a marble staircase on his right and in front of him a long hallway with several doors on each side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Mark, Bash is here !’ calls Valerie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘’ll be right here !’ Mark’s voice echoed in the staircase, coming from the first floor of the house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She starts walking along the hallway, Bash following her. She stops in front of a wooden sliding door that she slides open, revealing a lounge with leather armchairs and a red velvet divan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I wanted to tell you I really enjoyed your Vegas show! It was so refreshing to see such an entertaining women wrestling performance’ she says with a genuine smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I’m really glad you liked it’ he replies with a shy smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘What did I tell you, she is a big fan !’ says Mark as he steps down the final step of the stairs and walks in their direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is wearing light pants with a white shirt and a lavender blazer, the color perfectly matching his lightly tanned skin. He shakes Bash’s hand, a broad smile on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Thanks for welcoming our guest V’ Mark says smiling, gently pressing her arm. ‘Shall we discuss this contract Bash ?’ He then asks while making a movement of the head toward the lounge room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>'With great pleasure' he replies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let Mark lead the way and makes a small waving sign as a thank you to Valerie before she leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After both of them took a seat, Bash in one of the leather armchairs and Mark on the divan, they start talking about the contract. They discuss how much Mark is willing to put on the table and the advantages that Bash will give him and Valerie and they rapidly find a middle ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘It’s all settle then’ says Mark with a broad smile. ‘How about a nice glass of whiskey to seal our partnership ?’ he asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Excellent idea !’ says Bash joyfully, hardly containing his excitement from sealing the deal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Let me just grab the bottle from the cellar’ Mark says as he gets up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bash can’t believe things went so smoothly. He made it! He got a contract with Watson’s delight. After weeks of brainstorming and questioning about the show, it is a much-welcomed success. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark comes back with the bottle, fills both of their glasses and they immediately start to talk about wrestling. They argue a little but mostly laugh and share their best memories of wrestling shows they saw so far. Bash is having a blast, the mix of his earlier success, the booze and Mark being so easy to talk to feels amazing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At some point, Mark excuses himself to the bathroom and Bash takes the opportunity to take a look around the room. After a quick look at the items of furniture, his eyes stop on a golden frame containing a picture of Mark and Valerie. They look a bit younger, Mark is holding her by the waist and she looks at him with sparkling eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Our honeymoon in Belize’ says Mark when he comes back, with a light smile and distant eyes, as if it was bringing back a lot of memories. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘It’s a nice picture. You both look pretty in love’ Bash says softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘It's funny how a picture can be a distortion of the truth’ Mark sniggers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘What do you mean ?’ Bash asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘When Valerie and I got married, we weren’t in love’ Mark replies after taking a gulp of his drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘We met in our early twenties, we were both fooling around with people, going to a lot of parties not caring much about our family’s business.’ he continues as he sees Bash questioning eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Our uptight parents already knew each other and they secretly wanted to unite for business for a while. They saw in a potential marriage a way to ensure their legacy and gain market value.So they introduced us.’ he says as he sits down on the divan.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘My parents, especially my mother, were being pushier and pushier about me settling down. From all the women my mother introduced me to, Valerie was by far the most beautiful and smart of them. We started dating and found out that we had more in common than we thought, like wrestling for instance’ he pauses and smiles at Bash to emphasize his point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Turns out her parents were also putting a lot of pressure on her to settle and she was as tired of it as I was. So, we decided to get married so they will give us some space. It worked and they even gave us some money to inject in the business of our choice. That’s how we created Winston’s delight’. He concludes with a motion of his arm designing their surroundings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bash was listening to him with great interest. This story sounded really familiar to him. Being pushed in a certain way to match the ideal of a parent. Having to repress who he was in fear of disappointing Birdie. He was talking about his love of wrestling, obviously. Nothing else he repressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was more than thankful that the opportunity of marring Rhonda came up to save him from her restless quest to find a Mrs. Bash Howard. It tickled his curiosity, he wanted to know more about Valerie and Mark’s story.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Can I ask you a question ?’ Bash asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark nods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You said you weren’t in love when you first met her. When did you fall in love with her then ?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of silence as Mark looked at his hands thoughtfully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘I never did’ he finally says, looking straight at Bash with his golden and green eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bash was taken aback by his statement and also by the intensity of his stare. He maintains his gaze for a couple of seconds before finally glancing down at the table, shifting in his seat. He was starting to feel something growing inside him but he couldn’t quite tell what it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘After we got married, we’ve done everything by the book, trying our best to be a perfect married couple’ Mark continues. ‘It worked well at first but, after less than a year, things started to feel tasteless, like we were applying a protocol, a dreary routine to keep the illusion of a happy and caring relationship. But, none of us were really satisfied.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops for a moment, refiling his glass and Bash with whiskey. He takes a long sip, stays silent for a while, looking like he is weighing if he should continue to speak or not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Eventually, we started cheating on each other. The funny part is the way we found out about it’ he laughs before taking another sip of his drink. Bash was hooked by Mark’s story, he was now on the edge of his seat, impatiently waiting for what was next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘One day, she thought I was off to Sacramento for a business deal, so she invited her lover here after her day at work. When she opened the door of our bedroom, she found me in bed with … another man’.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bash feels his eyes widened and his mouth slightly opening to this revelation. He tries to hide it but he is deeply shocked. How a man like him, so handsome, so manly can enjoy the company of another man?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he can think too much about it, Mark speaks again, presumably not wanting this statement to stay in the air for too long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘After that, we didn’t speak to each other for a week. But, eventually, we had a pretty serious talk about our situation. In the end, we realized that staying married had its advantages: keeping our parents away from our love life, being able to keep working together and keep our financial stability, our house,… So, we stayed together. We just made some adjustment to our initial conception of marriage.' he says with a small smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally looks up at Bash, waiting to see his reaction to his surprising story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bash didn’t know what to think or what to do. He was surely blown away by such an honest depiction of Mark’s marital life. But, he was mainly shocked by how easily Mark had confessed to having an affair with another man. He was feeling so confused, his mind not being able to understand that such a man could exist. A successful businessman, married with a woman who knew he liked men. It was defying every conception he had about marriage, couple and being a … gay man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows he should say something now but his mind is so overwhelmed he can’t find anything. So he just looks at Mark, smiling, trying his best not to show how mind-blow he is feeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Would you like a cigarette ?’ Mark ends up asking, breaking the silence. It seems like Bash’s smile was enough to not make things uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Yeah, sure’ Bash answers, glad to have a distraction from his confused thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark stands up, picks a small rectangular metallic box from the credenza nearby and opens it to reveal the cigarettes. He holds it out so Bash can grab one, picks one for himself and puts down the box.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘We have to go on the terrace’ Marks says as he starts walking toward the room’s french window. ‘Valerie can’t stand the smell of cold tobacco in the house’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Sure, no problem’ reply Bash as he follows him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they are on the terrace Mark, followed closely by Bash, walks to the balustrade projecting over the garden. He then stops and takes a lighter out of his jacket. He puts his cigarette in his mouth, lights it and then turns to Bash who is waiting, his cigarette between his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of just handing him the lighter he takes one step closer and light Bash’s cigarette, looking straight into his eyes. While he does so, Bash can’t help but notice his musky scent and how his eyes are an incredible mix of green and golden. He notices that one of Mark’s curls his lazily hanging on his forehead and start to wonder how it will feel to run his hand through Mark’s hair. Jesus! What at are you thinking Bash? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Mark takes a step back and leans on the balustrade, facing the garden, no longer within arms reach and no longer fixing him with his hypnotic eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘What about you Bash? How are things going with your wife ?’ Mark asks, turning slightly in his direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Oh hem great. Things are going great’ He responds quickly, avoiding eye contact with him and focusing on this very interesting bush over there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mark hums softly, taking a puff on his cigarette. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bash stays silent for a bit, silently smoking while leaning on the balustrade, wondering if he should say what’s on his mind. Reconsidering Mark’s earlier honesty, he decides to let it out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Well,’ he starts ‘I’ve been pretty busy lately with this new project, lots of meeting with the production and potential sponsors. Let’s just say that we are not as close as we used to. But I’m sure this is just temporary, it will get better once we launch the show’. He finally says, still focusing on this stupid bush, feeling Mark’s eyes on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Sure’ says Mark with a tone tainted with doubt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘She is a remarkable woman you know.’ He replies, feeling the need to emphasize his point ‘She came all the way from Britain, she is a real fighter and she’s pretty good at business to’ he says, sounding like a child reciting something he learned by heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark scoff. ‘Anything else on your list ?’ he asks, probably with a smirk that Bash refuses to see as he stubbornly looks at the bush. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘She is a talented wrestler and she has a gift for organizing parties’ he adds with the tone children takes to prove a point, crushing the end of his cigarette in the ashtray between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I think you forgot something remarkable about her' Mark says, crushing his cigarette too before taking a step closer to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘What is it ?’ he asks, finally looking at him with a defiant look. What a mistake. He is as close as he was earlier when he lite up his cigarette, his eyes locked on him. Bash swallow his saliva, unable to turn away this time, suspended on Mark’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘She married Bash Howard. A talented, handsome businessman with a passion for wrestling’ Mark says in a low voice, not breaking eye contact. ‘I found that pretty remarkable’ he adds, slightly tilting his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bash feels his checks reddens and he starts to feel a bubbly feeling in his stomach. He can’t take his eyes off Mark’s face. His lightly tanned skin, his chiseled cheekbones, his perfect jawline, his pillow lips … </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels his desire grow every passing second. He wants to make a move but it feels like something is still holding him back. They stay like this, their faces only a few inches away, their eyes locked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden, the tension becomes unbearable and he fills the small gap between them as he presses his lips on Mark’s. They start to kiss slowly, finally appreciating the contact of each other mouths. Soon, things start to heat up, Mark’s tongue gently asking for permission to mingle with Bash’s. As he obliges, he is submerged by his musk scent and he feels Mark’s hand reaching the small of his back, pressing him closer as their tongue fight for dominance. Bash is holding Mark's face between his hands and let one wander in his curly hair as Mark briefly leave Bash’s mouth to kiss the skin right under his jaw. Bash moans softly, feeling a deep feeling of ecstasy, tightening his grip on Mark’s hair and sliding his other hand down Mark’s back, getting closer and closer to his ass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Mark ?’ a voice calls, as approaching footsteps starts to come in their direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They don’t react at first, too high on their endorphins to realize what’s happening. Then Valerie appears on the terrace to find them intertwined. Bash is completely frozen, like a deer in the headlights, one hand on Mark's chest and the other one on his ass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Oh …’ she softly says when she realizes that’s she is interrupting a slightly more intimate situation than a simple smoke between business partner. ‘Sorry, I’ll ask you later’ she adds, quickly turning back and heading inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Valerie disappears inside the house, reality suddenly hits Bash like a ton of bricks. He has just been caught groping another man by this said man’s wife. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly let go of Mark, taking two steps back and crossing his arms on his chest while looking at the floor only to see he had an impressive boner. Glorious! As if things were not bad enough already. He starts to feel overwhelmed by a feeling he can’t quite pinpoint. Panic. Shame. Disgust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glances at Mark who stands right where he left him. His face is reddened, his lips are a bit swollen and his curly hair is all over the place. Knowing that he was the reason of this mess is the last straw. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'I have to go' Bash blurt out, as he heads inside, walking briskly, shamefully trying to hide his erection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>'Bash !' calls Mark. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t respond and keep on walking, wanting to escape this situation as quickly as possible. He finally reaches the main door, opens it and starts to run as soon as he passes the doorstep. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. There's no hiding place</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the wait, I had to stop writing for a while due to my work shifts and my finals but here is chapter 5!</p><p>It includes mild Bash/Rhonda smut which was necessary for the plot. </p><p>I tried to stay as realistic and in character as possible. It's one of many possible scenarios, it got a bit emotional at the end. </p><p>Let me know what you think!</p><p>(Update: I already know how I want to write the last chapter, I'm just really busy lately so don't worry I'm not forgetting about the fic, just waiting to have some time to write)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He is parked outside the house, both of his hands gripping the wheel, looking blankly in front of him. </p><p>He can’t stop thinking about that kiss. Mark’s hands all over him, the feeling of his warm lips on his skin, how it felt being pressed against him … </p><p>‘Stop it Bash! God Dammit! What the fuck is wrong with you ?' he thinks, gripping the wheel tighter, pressing his forehead against it. He exhales loudly.</p><p>‘You were excited about that deal and you had too much to drink, that’s it.’ he says to himself. ‘You could even say it was all Mark’s fault: he kept refilling your drink, make that stupid cigarette move and stood way too close while giving compliments no one as ever made to you. He knew exactly what to do to get what he wanted. It’s not your fault, you’re the victim here! ’</p><p>With this epiphany, he starts to feel a little bit better about himself and, after taking a couple of long breaths, he decides to get out of his car. He starts walking toward the house, wishing that Rhonda was already asleep so he wouldn’t have to talk too much about his weird evening. </p><p>He opens the door and looks at the clock on one of the lobby’s walls. 2.00. </p><p>As he goes inside, he sees that the living room lights are still on and hears some noise. Shit.<br/>
He arrives in the living room to find Rhonda wearing her red silk nightdress, lying on the sofa, an almost empty glass of wine in her hand. Her make up is heavier than usual with long and thick eyeliner lines and bright red lipstick. </p><p>When she sees him, she finishes her drink in one long gulp, leaves her glass on the coffee table, and position herself in some sort of pin-up pose.  </p><p>‘Welcome home darling’ she purrs, batting her eyes at him. </p><p>‘Hey’ he just responds while taking off his jacket, frowning his eyebrows, not sure what to think about Rhonda’s attitude. ‘You’re not in bed yet ?’ he asks, stating the obvious.</p><p>‘Oh nooo’ she says, insisting way too much on that last syllable. ‘I was waiting for my man to kiss me goodnight’ she adds with a smile which was probably meaning to be seductive but ended up quite goofy. </p><p>Well. Looks like someone enjoyed her bottle of Chardonnay, he thinks as he slightly lean, trying to see how much was left in the bottle. It was almost empty. </p><p>‘Come my love’ she whispers, her hand slowly sliding along her leg. </p><p>Oh god. He was really not in the mood to deal with a drunk and visibly horny Rhonda. After what happened earlier, he was just eager to go to bed and forget about this unsettling evening. </p><p>Seeing that he doesn’t react, Rhonda’s mouth starts to form a sad pout and Bash reluctantly walks over to the sofa to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. But, as soon as he moves to get away from her, she grabs his face and firmly presses her lips against his, making Bash lose his balance and partially fall on top of her. As she fiercely kisses him, she wraps her legs around his waist, making it harder for him to go away. While he is pressed like that against her, he can’t help but recall how Mark held him just as tight, how his tongue felt on his lips … The feeling of Rhonda’s breast against his chest as she presses him closer suddenly makes him realize how his mind trailed off again and a feeling of discomfort start to surface.</p><p>‘You smell a little different than usual’ she murmurs between two kisses. ‘Muskier’ </p><p>He knows damn well where this sent comes from. Triggered by her statement, his discomfort is dangerously growing and he feels the urge to run away… But he can’t. Because if he does so, I’ll have to explain why he acted so weirdly, and to be honest it felt like he’s been short on excuses lately. He decides to use his all-time favorite strategy: Alcohol. Numbing everything he feels, with every sip, another coat of protection.</p><p>He breaks their kiss, rapidly justifying himself ‘Just grabbing something to drink’ as he stands up and walks over their alcohol cupboard, on the other side of the room. </p><p>He grabs the first bootle he finds, a bottle of scotch, and pours himself a glass. He drinks it rapidly, craving to feel the alcohol slowly sliding down his throat and progressively shushing his internal uproar. He closes his eyes as the warmth of the liquid seems to diffuse in his veins and he feels his muscles relax a little. Eventually, he opens his eyes and decides to pour himself another one, feeling he might need more than just one drink to handle Rhonda. By handling he meant dealing with her horny self and probably having sex with her even though he felt absolutely no desire to do so. </p><p>As he recaps the bottle and puts it back on its shelf, he feels Rhonda pressing herself firmly against his back, her hands grabbing his pecs to be as close as possible but probably to keep her balance too. He makes a small squeak as he is surprised by the sudden pressure and the fact that she was able to walk all the way to him without making any noise. </p><p>Her hands start to move slowly to reach the buttons of his shirt and her skillful fingers are soon working their way down to reach the lower button.<br/>
He quickly reaches for his glass and drinks it in one gulp, hoping it would ease the growing discomfort he was starting to feel again. Why was it suddenly so hard for him to want her? Why does he have to put so much effort into something that should be so simple? </p><p>She has now unbuttoned his shirt and slowly makes it slide off his back, pressing herself right back when the shirt is finally on the floor, her hands roaming around his now bare chest. He knows he should be hard by now or a least a little aroused but his whole body feels completely numb. ‘Well, that’s what you wanted, no? Drinking your way through this, making it more bearable ?’ he thinks to himself. But, for once and for a reason he can’t quite pinpoint, he knows something’s off, he understands that it’s not normal to have this kind of thoughts and attitude with his wife. When did he become so insightful? What was going on with him?</p><p>His trail of thoughts is cut when Rhonda grabs his hands and places them on her ass, pressing them so he can feel her firm flesh. To his surprise, she starts to thurst lasciviously against him, her hands grabbing his pecs again. Being drunk definitely made her more adventurous, this ‘setting' was completely new and if he was honest, he was oddly liking it. The feeling of her thrusts against his ass and being hold firmly without really seeing her started to turn him on. If it wasn’t for her breast pressing against his back, he could totally picture someone else in that position. Like a taller man with curly hair and a musky scent. As soon as this thought crosses his mind, he starts to feel himself getting hard and for once he doesn’t try to make it go away, the alcohol helping shushing his usual inner conflict.<br/>
The hands on his chest start to slowly slide down to reach his lower abdomen and eventually brush over his now hard cock, making him gasp. </p><p>‘I knew you would like it from behind’ murmurs Rhonda in his ear as she presses her hand between his legs. </p><p>That single sentence made him sober up instantly. He suddenly realizes what’s happening, seeing the scene as if he is watching it from afar. His wife thrusting against his ass and him enjoying it only because he could think about someone else. About another man. He is starting to feel really uncomfortable both from the situation itself but also, and mainly, from his oddly clear thoughts. It feels like the usual filter that keeps those thoughts at bay, buried deep in his unconsciousness has momently stopped working, letting everything he’s been holding back flowing in plain sight. </p><p>That sentence. He can’t deal with it. He can’t deal with what it implies. It says more about him that he could admit to Rhonda. He starts to feel overwhelmed, his palms sweaty, his heartbeat fastening, his muscles tensing. </p><p>He shouldn’t reply or maybe change the subject or more importantly change their weird position.</p><p>Yes. Let’s do that. He gently grabs her hands so she would let go of his lower abdomen and its surrounding, not meeting any resistance, and turn around to face her, still holding her hands.</p><p>Her face is red, probably both from the alcohol and her undeniable excitement as her hungry stare displays. They stare into each other eyes for a small moment, Bash quickly looking elsewhere, her sentence can’t stop ringing in his ears. He knows he should let it slide but he can’t help it. He wants to know why she said it.</p><p>‘What does that mean?’ he finally asks, looking back at her, his voice lower than he intended. </p><p>Rhonda kept her eyes on him all this time, knowing her sentence was quite provocative and would eventually make him react. She could tell she was quite drunk, her mind being a little blurry but, on the other side, she knew she had no filter left whatsoever. It was exactly what she was looking for. She needed him to talk, she had waited long enough.<br/>
She remained silent for a couple of seconds for good measure before opening her mouth, her eyes locked with Bash. </p><p>‘Well, you liked it when Paul did it’ she replied calmly with an innocent tone. </p><p>For him, it feels like a slap. He let go of her hands and take a step back, his arms hanging by his side as his face is distorted by a clear surprise.<br/>
He wasn’t expecting this answer at all. In fact, he doesn’t know what he expected. He should have kept his mouth shut or at least change the subject. He can tell his face is getting redder as he feels tenser.</p><p>‘What did you say ?’ he asks, acting overly surprise, trying to win some time to think of a way out. </p><p>‘You liked it when Paul did it’ repeats Rhonda, her position unchanged and her eyes still fixing him.</p><p>He can’t tell what game she is playing. She’s often easy to read, especially when she is drunk but not tonight and her sudden stubbornness about this matter starts to scare him. He needs to quickly change the subject. He decides to counter-attack.</p><p>’Why would you bring that up ?’ he hisses. ‘Why you would bring up the time you hired a PROSTITUTE and lie to my face about it?’</p><p>‘Because nothing is the same between us since Vegas!’ she lets out, her voice finally starting to raise.’ Since that night with Paul’.</p><p>‘I don’t know what you talking about’ he replies, playing the clueless card. </p><p>‘Bash’ Rhonda says softly, trying to look him in the eyes but he keeps avoiding eye contact and starts pacing around the living room. </p><p>This situation right here was a perfect picture of their relationship. She was so sick of it, all those things left unsaid, all this uncertainty. She couldn’t take his avoidance anymore, she needed answers. </p><p>‘Was it a one-time thing ?’ she says blankly. ‘What happened with Paul’</p><p>Bash’s head snaps upward and he abruptly stops walking. He stays still for what seems like forever, unable to move, unable to talk as he can hardly comprehend what Rhonda just ask him? Is she asking if he saw Paul again after that night? Or, is she asking if they were other men? </p><p>‘What do you mean ?’ he eventually asks, genuinely not understanding what kind of answer she wants.</p><p>‘I saw how much you liked it when you kiss him…’ she starts.</p><p>‘Rhonda!’ He said her name like a warning, his voice suddenly rising and his eyes finally meeting hers.</p><p>‘I saw how much you liked it when he touched you’ she continues, ignoring his hungry tone and speaking with a contrasting calm voice. </p><p>‘Rhonda! Stop!’ Bash screams, his fist clenching as he tries to control his shaking hands. He can feel the adrenaline rushing in his body as he starts to feel extremely flustered. </p><p>‘Bash, I was there! Literally inches away, why are you still trying to deny it ?’ she finally explodes. ‘I’m your WIFE! Why is it so hard for you to talk to me? Why can’t you admit that you liked it ?’</p><p>‘I’ve only done it because you wanted to! It was an exceptional favor!’ he answers with an accusative tone. ‘I’m not a fucking puff!’ he ultimately hisses, so strongly that he spit. </p><p>As soon as he says those words, he can see her face molder a little. They are now facing each other, in the middle of their living room. Bash, visibly tense with a reddening face and his hands still clutch into fist and Rhonda, who is looking at him with a look he never saw before.<br/>
She breaks eye contact as she slowly sits on the sofa, taking her head between her hands. All of a sudden she looks dejected. Still, Bash can’t seem to care about her sudden change of attitude as he is still extremely pissed at her for insinuating such things. </p><p>‘We will never bring up that subject again. You hear me ?’ he says coldly, glad to see he turned things around and he was really close to burying this completely. </p><p>‘I can’t take it anymore Bash’ she says when she finally lifted her head.</p><p>’What do you mean?’ he asks, not sure what to expect. </p><p>‘I can’t spend every day trying my best to be your perfect wife, trying to keep you interested in a way that is nearly ridiculous’ she says as she designates her outfit and her face. ‘I can’t stand wondering if I’m doing something wrong every time you turn down my efforts. And most of all, I can’t deal with your constant avoidance. I can sense something is off but you keep on pretending everything is fine’. She stands up, wanting to emphasize her statement. ‘I can’t take it anymore’.</p><p>He stays silent for a bit, considering her words. He was still pissed and her speech seemed like a strategy to make him feel guilty. Did she have to be so dramatic?</p><p>‘So what? You want to leave me ?’ he finally says with a defiant tone, knowing she wouldn’t actually do it. Where would she go?</p><p>‘I … I don’t know’. She replied with a grievous voice, her eyes slowly filling with tears as she crossed her arms on her chest. </p><p>It felt like he was slapped again as he realizes she was actually serious about possibly leaving him. He couldn’t let that happened, being on his own was unthinkable. </p><p>‘I will make it up to you Rhonda. I will take you to restaurants, We’ll go on vacation wherever you want’ he says hastily, his tone now completely different as he starts to panic. ‘I will … make love to you’ he adds, trying to sound as convincing as he could even though he knew it was a desperate plea.</p><p>‘That’s not what I want’ she replies, whipping a tear running on her left cheek. </p><p>‘Oh, hem, then tell me what you want, I’ll do anything !’ he overbids, taking a step closer to her, his arms outstretched towards her but yet not touching her.</p><p>‘I want the truth’</p><p>‘About what ?’</p><p>‘What’s wrong with us.’</p><p>He is about to ask another question, keeping avoiding the fucking elephant in the room, but he sees the look in her eyes. She looks upset and sad, almost desperate. Yet, he is unable to tell her what she needs to ear.</p><p>The silence grows between them, he can sense her eyes on him, waiting, but he doesn’t want to face her big watery and disappointed eyes. He can’t lie to himself anymore, he knows he is responsible for that and he doesn’t know how to handle it.</p><p>Seeing that he doesn’t react, Rhonda sighs and slowly starts to walk towards the stairs. She is drained. She feels like she pushed him as far as she could and it was still not enough. </p><p>He looks at her as she is heading to the stairs. He senses that if he doesn’t speak now, they’ll reach a breaking point. He is feeling so conflicted, he wants to talk to her but he can’t form any words. Something is holding him back.<br/>
She climbs up the stairs and heads to their bedroom while Bash stands still in their now-empty living room. </p><p>Then it hit him. The silence. It’s crushing. The lights were still on but its sudden loneliness made him feel like he was in the dark. He hated being alone. It meant being alone with his thoughts and it was quite messy. Rhonda. Mark. His business. His reputation. Birdie. Florian.<br/>
He feels his breath quicken as Florian’s face pop up in his head. He was usually very good at burying anything related to him but being alone and sober made him feel so vulnerable. Thinking about Florian was too much for him to handle and it was inevitable if he stayed on his own too long.</p><p>Without realizing it, he had climbed the stairs and was now heading to their bedrooms. He knew she was in there as he could hear some muffled noises coming from their room. He pushed the door open to find Rhonda sitting on her side of the bed, her back turn on Bash. She was sniffing. He sighs and lets himself slide to the floor near the door, his back against the bed, his legs pulled up supporting his elbows as his hands where intertwined in front of him. </p><p>He had to do it. Anything that could make Rhonda stays.</p><p>‘What’s wrong between us is …’ he starts, pinching his nose mid-sentence, trying to gather his courage. His heart was beating so strongly he felt like it could break his ribs at any moment.</p><p>‘You married a fucking fag.’</p><p>As soon as the words left his mouth, he bites his lips and hides his face in his hands. He was ready to tell her the truth if it could make her stay but he was not ready to watch her leave the room unable to look at her sinful husband. </p><p>Everything is silent again. He can’t believe he said it out loud. He can’t believe he admitted it. To himself. To Rhonda.</p><p>And why is she not reacting at all? She got what she wanted, no? What if the truth actually made things worse? Did he just give her a perfect excuse to leave him? What women would want to stay with a queer man? </p><p>He starts to feel overwhelmed by the same feelings he had earlier, after being caught by Valerie. Panic. Shame. Disgust.</p><p>He feels something watery on his hands and realizes his cheeks are soaked in tears. ‘What have I done ?’ he thinks, feeling hopeless. </p><p>He senses the bed is moving as Rhonda is standing up and hears her steps, muffled by the carpet, coming in his direction. He waits for the door to slam as she leaves him but instead, he feels her kneel next to him, her knees touching his left leg. He keeps his hands on his face, not ready to face her yet and ashamed with the fact he was now crying on top of that. </p><p>He freezes as he feels one of her hand slowly brushing his hair in a soft gesture. Her other hand gently presses his hands as if she was asking him to put them down. Bash decides to let go. He finally removes his hands, lifting his head up and ultimately meeting her eyes. </p><p>There are black streaks of mascara, running down her eyes, on her both of her cheeks and her red lipstick is partially on her chin too. She looks like one of those sad clowns. He can only imagine how he must look, all red and puffy too.<br/>
But, something stands out. Her eyes. They fix him with a tenderness he never saw before. It’s almost motherly. </p><p>None of them say a word. Rhonda keeps on brushing his hair, her other hand holding Bash’s hand. They just stare into each other eyes. No one ever looked at him like that. Maybe because no one ever saw him so entirely, his emotions raw and all his walls down. No one except Florian.<br/>
He feels his heart breaks a little at this thought and he slowly let himself slide so his head is now resting on Rhonda’s laps, his arms circling her waist, her hands gently caressing his hair and back.</p><p>He is crying again but this time it isn’t because he is scared. He cries because he feels relieved. He cries because he can let go. He cries because he reacted poorly with Mark. He cries because he misses Florian. God dammit, he misses him so much…</p>
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